| When I look back at my childhood, I have some happy memories
and I now know that my Mom and Dad love me and loved me then.
Unfortunately, the majority of my life has not been like this. I
remember as child feeling scared, alone and unloved. My parents
used a parenting style that could be labeled as "controlling".
We were told how to be, what to look like, what to do and when
to do it. If not done correctly, you received consequences of
yelling and shouting, threats and lots of hitting. Making a
mistake was not allowed and you could suffer dearly for one. I
had no confidence and certainly lost all of what my wants and
needs were because it had no importance in my home. I also did
not know what it meant to respect others since I had never been
given respect or shown it as a person. I grew up learning to
please my parents and any of the people I attached myself to. I
have failed at most of the relationships in my life. Except for
one….the relationship with my daughter. |
| |
| When I became a parent, I vowed I would not use the same
parenting style my parents did. My daughter was going to know I
loved her more them anything. I refused to hit her because I
know how it made me feel. When my daughter was three, I started
to notice that she was scared of me. When going to give her a
hug one day, she cowered away from me. I had not hit her, but it
was clear I wasn't doing something right. I then realized that
not learning anything new, I was using the parenting style I had
learned from my parents. I took out the hitting, but kept the
yelling, shouting and threats. I just didn't know anything
different. |
| |
| My life changed the day a friend told me about STEP
parenting classes. I took my first class when my daughter was 3.
I learned how to communicate with her, listen as well as speak
to her with respect. I gained more of an understanding of her
behavior and thus learned how to react to her. I learned how to
cooperate, encourage and discipline all with respect. The class
taught me that I didn't have to be mean to her to teach her. My
relationship with my daughter, who is now 16, is one of
happiness, love, respect and complete cooperation. We work
together to make our household one that meets both of our wants
and needs. I see my daughter using what I have learned as a
lifestyle. She has so many healthy relationships in her life
from peers to adults. She is a happy girl, confident and strong
and knows that she is important and worthy and that her mom
loves her. Learning these skills has also changed all of the
relationships in my life, especially my relationship with my
mother. |
| |
| For the last 13 years, I have taken many parenting classes,
attended many of the parenting conferences and have become a
facilitator. There are many parents out there who are just like
I was, in need of help. I see them in the mall, in my
neighborhood and in my family. I see many kids who are walking
around feeling like I did as a child who may someday look back
at their childhood with sadness and tears. My hope is that with
each parenting class that CARE offers, that many tears are
changed to smiles. |
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| 1/18/2006 |
| Paula Kiesgen |
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